Abba it’s amazing that you made it so easy for me to just talk with you, like you’re just a friend I am calling. And it’s crazy that I don’t make time for this every day, considering what it cost you to tear the veil that separated us. But I’m here now in your presence because you made it possible for me to come to you. And Abba Father I do need you. I need you more than I can say, more than I am willing to admit most days.
I’ve Run From You
I’ve run from you before when I’ve messed up. I feel ashamed when I don’t get things right. Just like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, I want to hide from you and cover over my sins with fig leaves. But this year I promised that I would run to you when I mess up, even if I feel unworthy or like I’m too much of a disaster to come to you.
Your Love Never Fails Me
No matter what I’ve done, your love never fails. You run to me with your arms open wide even when I’ve chosen to put on the rags of a slave. You wrap your arms around me and tell me how much you love me. You remind me that I am your child and my sins are paid for. There is no need for fig leaves. You’ve known about everything I would ever do since the beginning of time. And you chose to love me and die for me anyway. I mattered to you when you took your last breath, Jesus. I mattered enough that you continued to suffer rather than call down legions of angels to save you. Your love for me is more than I can fathom.
But Why Do I Keep Messing Up?
So I’m here again, Lord, because I keep making the same mistakes and I don’t know why. And I’m running to you again, a child feeling like a failure. I can’t seem to get this life right. I can’t seem to pull it together and be the person I want to be. Every time I focus on getting rid of my sin, it just seems to chase me down and I choose the things of this world over you. So God instead of focusing on my sin, I’m gonna focus on you.
Who You Are Makes Me Who I Am
- Your goodness covers my failures.
- Your faithfulness means that you never leave or forsake me. I’m the one who leaves you time and again.
- Your lovingkindness means that when I mess up again and hurt others, you’ve already forgiven me. You welcome me back into your arms.
- Your mercy means no matter what I did, you are never going to give up on me.
- Your grace means that you still shower all of your gifts on me even though I never measure up to perfection. I am complete in you.
- Your forgiveness of my sin through Jesus’ blood means that you don’t even see my sin. You’ve already placed it all as far away as east is from west.
I Lay It Down
I lay all of my selfishness, my failures, my pride, my flesh, my burdens too deep to speak of, my selfishness down. I lay it all at your feet God. I know that you carry me when don’t know where I’m going. Your groans, Holy Spirit, intercede at the throne room for me when I’m in dark places and don’t even know how to pray. When my prayers seen to bounce off the ceiling, God, You are still working in my life!
So I Will Praise You Forever
I will praise you forever! I’ve only just begun to praise you here in this earthly realm! There is an eternity of praising you awaiting me. I can’t wait until the day I can praise you knowing I will never will fall again and leave your presence. There is coming a day when I will always be with you and will not ever run from you again.
But until that day God, hold me tight, close to you under your wings. Keep me in your presence. Help me to run to you instead of running to other things or people when I am empty. Help me to reach out to you when I’m caught yet again in a cycle of sin, when I get myself bound up in chains.
Remind Me that I Am Free to Love
You saved me so that I could be free to worship, free to come before you. Yet, when I let my sins bind me up, I get too tied up in chasing my desires and forget who I am in you. I forget that you sacrificed so much to give me this freedom from a continual desire for something other than you. I don’t want to look for something other than you to fill me.
Remind Me Who I Am In You
So when I look to others or things in this world to make my life complete, remind me who I am. I am a child of the King. I do not serve the things of this world. I serve a risen Savior. You conquered death and the grave. You conquered my fears and let me find the place where I know your perfect love that love casts out every fear.
Show Me the Path You Have For Me
I know you’re leading me now. You’re showing me the next step. God, I want to step out on the water and take that step. No matter where it leads or what it may seem to cost me, I know that your ways are higher and better than mine. You see what I can’t. So when I hear your still small voice telling me to walk in your way, help me to follow. Help me be the sheep who knows your voice and knows to trust you through it all. Help me see that I am never alone. You are always with me even until the ends of the earth.
Thank you Jesus for the cross, for your sacrifice, for your all-consuming love for me. Holy Spirit, help me not to grieve you. I ask you to abide in me and give my prayers meaning even when I don’t have the words. Abba Father bring this child close to your love daily. Run to me with your love and never let me go.
In Jesus name,