I have anxieties and fears about so many things and I wonder how did I get this way? Was it something I did or a habit I created earlier in life? I look back at times when I was hurt by those I thought were friends and wonder if I closed off part of myself. Maybe I didn’t trust you enough to care about me, God, so I decided to think out life all by myself.
I used to be afraid of you also. For almost 20 years, I was afraid that you thought I wasn’t good enough for you, that you were sitting in judgment of me, that you would never see the good in me because you were too busy seeing all of the ways I chose the wrong things, thought the wrong things, and behaved in wrong ways.
So instead of turning TO you, I ran AWAY from you. I ran to others. I ran to success and tried to run to money. I ran to my intellect, my musicianship, my personality, my looks, my spouse, my children, my churchy friends. But all of the things and the people let me down. I let myself down. I couldn’t stop my mind from overthinking absolutely everything and I tried so hard to think everything through! I trusted my thoughts to save me from disaster, but my thoughts were not that powerful. And I was left with disasters in my life that I could not prevent. I was left with the fact that I am powerless to save myself from the struggles of this life.
And this morning I woke up thinking about all of the ways that I fail, all of the ways I have disappointed, all of the ways that I don’t measure up to the perfectionistic standards in my head. And now at 10am, I am already exhausted… of making this life about me, of looking to myself for answers that I don’t have, of telling myself all of the “shouldv’e, couldv’e, wouldv’e.” How is it that at 10am on a normal Monday, I am having enough anxiety to have trouble breathing?!
But, you say to bring you all of my worries and cares and that you will carry them for me. So I am bringing mine today. I am talking with you God and just laying it out like it is. I am running TO you this morning and I am declaring what YOU say and what YOU think.
I know that you are FOR me. You have a plan for my life and a purpose in mind. You may let me go through hard times, but you are for me, not against me. Sometimes you use REALLY difficult times to help me look up to you. When I have no one and nowhere else to turn, I am more likely to look up. So I accept that sometimes I don’t feel happy. Sometimes life is difficult and painful. Sometimes I am afraid and even anxious enough that the people around me notice. But I see now that you don’t expect me to be perfect. It’s not even possible for me as a human here and now.
But you say that I am perfect and complete in you. And you tell me that I am good enough for you because of what Jesus did for me on the cross. You tell me that all of my weaknesses and failures are hidden in your strength. You let me rest in knowing that You have a path for me and that you will lead me when I ask. You sing love over me and tell me that I am yours and that you knit me together before I was born. You have a purpose for my life and you’re helping me finish it. I am not alone with my thoughts. So I do not accept “anxious” as my label today. That’s not who I am. I see that now.
And I see the reason I was anxious all along. Overthinking causes anxiety. Overthinking does not cause peace. I was trusting in the problem (overthinking) to find the solution (peace)! No more. Today I choose to trust YOUR THOUGHTS and YOUR WAYS!! I choose not to be overwhelmed by my anxious thoughts, but instead be overwhelmed by your peace.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”Matthew 11:28-30 ESV
Romans 8:38 ESV
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:28 ESV
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
1 Peter 5:6-7 ESV
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
Philippians 4:6-7 ESV
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.