What Am I Worth?

What Am I Worth?

Abba Father, I am coming to you because you understand me like no one else. You know that I struggle with myself more than anyone else. There is just a part of me that is afraid that “What I do is never going to amount to anything, so why do I even try?” I know that this attitude is defeatist in nature and not good for me, but sometimes I am literally paralyzed with this fear and I stay in my room watching Netflix or just finding pins to put on my Pinterest boards so that I can say to myself that I am doing something worthwhile. I know that every moment doesn’t have to be productive, but I am just feeling like I don’t know what is worth something anymore. Which parts of what I do actually matter? Which matter to You? Are you pleased with me when I do almost nothing for an entire day? How far does Your ability to love me go?

I look at my kids and realize that You love me more than I love them. My love for them is not contingent upon whether they do anything. I just want them to work on whatever they love and have a passion to do because I know that doing what they love is part of living in the giftedness that you gave them. So since You are a good and perfect Father to me, you love me right where I am no matter what I am doing. Your love is not about what I do.

So today I am letting go of trying to be something other than who I am. I will live in the moment and let myself work on things that you’ve given me a desire to do! I will live in the truth that You love me just as I am and you have joy over me. And if you have joy over me, then I will have joy that you feel that way about ME!

The fact that the God who made the entire universe and keeps life in motion loves me and feels actual joy over me is beyond comprehension! How can you feel joy when you look at me? I look at me and see a self-absorbed, anxious, worried, inept, disaster who keeps hurting others and can’t seem to stop. But then I see You watching me and how Your eyes light up just because I am me! You created me so that you could enjoy knowing me. When I talk to You, You listen and You care and You are glad that I came to chat with You for a while.

And then I think about how Jesus came here to this earthly place where he lived like me and felt all of the same messy jumble of feelings that I do. And he endured those feelings of shame and humiliation and sadness and then pain like I’ve never known when He was made a human sacrifice.  All because You love me enough to do absolutely anything to have me in Your life!!

So what can I say? I will choose to see myself as whole and healed and loved and righteous. I will say of myself the things that are true. I am clean. I am held. I am blessed. I am highly favored.

I am YOURS.

Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”  Nehemiah 8:10

“But I said, “I have labored in vain; I have spent my strength for nothing at all. Yet what is due me is in the Lord’s hand, and my reward is with my God.”  Isaiah 49:4
“The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.”  Habakkuk 3:19
Daniel 10:17  “How can I, your servant, talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone and I can hardly breathe.”

It’s Time to Give Your Heart Away

We’ve all heard that it is more blessed to give than receive. But do we realize that when we live generously, we develop a new kind of heart?

My kids make me the most proud when I see them being kind to others who don’t give them anything back except gratitude. This is my youngest daughter at the park making sure that all the younger kids have a good time as she pushes the equipment and is careful that no one falls off or gets left behind.

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In this world, it sometimes feels as if the rich and powerful get there by ruthless determination and manipulation. I love how God shows us another way in the book of Ruth. In this book, there was a man named Boaz who was rich and powerful but talked to his field laborers with kindness even though he was an upper-class Israelite. He treated others like they mattered.

One day a poor woman from another culture that Israelites looked down upon, came to his grain field to pick up the leftovers. Because Boaz was in the habit of being kind to others, he immediately asked about her and quickly realized that she was also in the habit of practicing kindness to others. She had given up her own culture and country to follow and care for her mother-in-law in a foreign country.

Neither Boaz nor Ruth were kind in order to receive something back in return, but because of their generosity of heart, Boaz and Ruth found one another and were married. Their great-grandson was King David and their line produced the Savior of the entire world, Jesus Christ, who blesses us with the most generous gift of all….His own life.

As I watch my kids grow and mature into adults, my prayer is always that they learn that having a giving heart is part of having God’s heart. That’s who God is. In love, He laid down His life. Because of love, He gave everything He had to every single person in this entire world who has ever lived. He gave because we needed Him. He gave because He heard our prayers. He gave because no one else had what we needed.

King David would grow up to ask God to give him a clean heart. And even in the pain of giving His own life to save others, Jesus knew the power of giving. With His last breath He said “It is Finished” because He had given the whole world what we needed more than anything…

a new heart…a clean heart…HIS Heart

a heart that is free to know the power of living generously